Observations
by supercellchaser
Summary: "Sam would never know how often Castiel stood in the shadows and observed his life. Sam would never know that Castiel watched him before they even met." Sam/Castiel Tiny bit o' Limp!Sam.


Season six spoilers. Be aware. Yes, Myurra-K. Velveteen Deceptions, that means you!

Disclaimer: Not mine. Seriously, I swear.

Lol Castiel Halloween costume = So much fun!

Also, I know Castiel seems a bit Edward Cullen-ish watching Sam and stuff but I find Edward adorable so…Team Edward!

I am still fuming at Dean. I saw a new preview for "Family Matters" and Dean is being such an annoying douche. BUT….but the preview I saw has, what I consider, SASTIEL! Yes! Castiel is diagnosing Sam and he…pulls off his belt so Sam can bite down on it but I am a Sastiel addict, so when he pulls that belt off, you know what I'm thinking. *Wink wink*

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Sam would never know how often Castiel stood in the shadows and observed his life. Sam would never know that Castiel watched him before they even met. He had been watching both Winchester boys since their early childhood.

After meeting a twenty-five year old Sam Winchester, Castiel was more fascinated by him than any human he had ever met. He felt compelled to study Sam's life. To learn what had molded such a remarkable human being.

He watched them in Sam's earliest moments.

_Mary Winchester gently lifted the tiny bundle out of the bright blue infant car seat and into her arms, her four year old son standing on his tippy toes in an attempt to see the newborn baby bundled in a soft blue blanket._

"_What's it's name, Mommy?" The young boy asked, bouncing with excitement, attempting to hang off of his mother's arm as she cradled the infant._

_John Winchester pulled the excited boy off of his mother's arm. _

"His _name is Samuel and you need to be careful around him. No hanging off of Mommy when she's holding him, okay Tiger?"_

_Dean's bottom lip puckered out as he bounced, still trying to see the baby._

_Mary smiled at her son's excitement and knelt down so he could have a better look._

_Snuggled in the blanket was a small, red faced, infant. A small tuft of dark hair grew on the top of his head and his little lips puckered as he slept soundly, soft coos escaping._

"_He's so small!" Dean cried as the small family smiled down at it's newest member._

Castiel watched the interaction from the corner of the nursery. The Winchester's could not see him but he could see everything.

He smiled sadly at the happy family knowing that in less than six months, evil would rip the family apart leaving behind devastation and despair.

He mused on this. Sam would never know his mother while his father and old brother would never be able to forget. The last image they had of her would be forever ingrained in their minds.

He wondered if this is what made Sam so rebellious of their lifestyle. Sam didn't remember the horrible night his mother was taken, did not remember the first few years after Mary's death, where the small, broken family fought to regroup.

He had no memories of the wonderful person who was taken by an unspeakable evil. He wasn't fueled to revenge her death as much as his father and older sibling because he had no idea who she was.

He watched Sam as a toddler.

_Two year old Sam scurried around the small motel room getting into everything he could get his little hands around._

_Dean and John were forever chasing the toddler, trying to keep him from pulling things off shelves, out of closets and cabinets, trying to keep him from unrolling entire packages of toilet paper and throwing diapers and toys across the room._

"_No, Sammy!" John scolded, prying Sam's small hands off of his journal. Why had he left it in Sam's reach in the first place? He didn't remember Dean being this difficult._

"_Sammy, no!" Dean's small, squeaky voice piped up as he ran forward to pull the baby off of the drapes he was trying to climb up._

_John shook his head, gathering his youngest son from Dean's arms. The youngster wiggled in his arms, squealing with laughter._

"_Daddy!" Sam squealed, pressing his small hands onto John's cheeks and squeezing them together._

_John smiled tiredly and plopped down on the decrepit couch in front of the small tv. "You are going to be the death of me, Sammy." John said to the squirmy child._

Castiel smiled as he looked on. He had learned to cherish the few happy moments the Winchester's shared because they were few and far between.

Castiel watched Sam's preteen years.

"_Can I go this time, Dad?" A twelve year old Sam begged his father._

_John peered up from the papers he was diligently studying to raise his eyebrows at his youngest son._

"_On the hunt, Sammy?"_

"_Yeah!" Sam said excitedly. "I'm old enough! Can I go, please!"_

Castiel was mildly surprised at this. Sam, he knew, had rebelled against his father in ever possible way when he was a teenager. Sam hated hunting in his teen years and even though he never said anything, Castiel knew that Sam still longed to have his life at Stanford back. Sadly, that was impossible after everything that had happened.

As he watched he realized that Sam, having never been on a hunt, didn't know what he was asking. He was simply wanting to be looked upon as a contributor to his family and attending a hunting trip was the only way twelve year old Sam knew how to be like his father and older brother.

He continued to watch.

"_You think you're ready, Sam?" John asked his son seriously._

_Sam nodded. "I've been training with Dean for over a year and I think, I know, I can do it."_

_John smiled proudly at his baby boy and a smile broke out on Sam's face that sent a wave of warmth over Castiel. _

Castiel knew that Sam fought for his father's acceptance constantly in his teen years and it was so rare that he received it.

Castiel's smile faded as he realized that Sam's first hunt would end in catastrophe.

_A stretcher bearing a bloody and broken Sam sped into the ER of Kennedy Hospital. _

_John and Dean hurried in after only to be held back by a paramedic. _

"_Sir, you have to wait here. A doctor will be out shortly." and Dean and John were led to a waiting room both dreading bad news on the condition of the family's youngest member._

Castiel knew how this turned out. After being nearly clawed to death by a Wendigo, Sam spent five hours in surgery and a month in the hospital but there was no lasting damage to his young body.

John faced Child Services and thankfully, they saw no proof that John had harmed his son.

The last week Sam was in the hospital was the hardest scene Castiel had watched so far. He realized that this was one of the moments that made Sam hate his family's lifestyle so much.

_Sam was propped up in bed, his eyes focused on his shaking hands. John stood over the bed, anger etched in every line of his face._

"_Are you listening to me, Sam?" John fumed. His hand lifted Sam's chin up so his youngest was looking him in the eyes. _

_Sam, fighting tears, nodded._

"_None of this would have happened if you hadn't been so clumsy, Sam!" John yelled. Sam shrunk away from his father's stern voice._

"_This will not happen again!" John continued, ignoring the tears that silently fell down Sam's pale face._

"_I'm sorry." Sam whispered. _

"_You're darn right you're sorry!" John raged. "No son of mine will be that impotent. You had better be ready for some heavy training when you're back on your feet Samuel."_

_Sam had only nodded, despair in his eyes. _

Castiel wanted to comfort the distraught Sam horribly. He wanted to shove John Winchester out of the way and tell the child on the bed that mistakes happen and that everything would be alright.

It pained Castiel deeply to see the hurt in Sam's dark eyes. He was only twelve and all he wanted in his life was to impress his father, to make his father proud and John Winchester couldn't give his son that simple gift.

Castiel watched Sam's teen years and he was surprised again to see how in a few short years, Sam went from wanting to hunt to hating it with all his soul.

_Sixteen year old Sam Winchester slumped moodily in the back seat of the Impala while Dean and John laughed in the front seat. _

_Another move, another change. Sam sighed, glaring at his happy family in the front seat. Of course he wasn't included in the conversation. Nobody wanted "Little Sammy" to interfere in their "grown up" conversations._

_It was times like these that Sam hated his life. He was never included in anything except hunting, which he hated. He was treated like a child every moment of every day and he could tell that his family thought he was nothing more than a failure. _

_The way their father looked at his oldest son could be seen as pride from anyone that saw the interaction. Dean was the perfect son, always following orders, always the best hunter, aside from John of course._

_When John looked at Sam, Sam could see the disappointment in his eyes. His youngest was nothing more than a disappointment and a hassle._

_Biting back tears, Sam pulled a tattered book from his backpack and began to read, ignoring the laughs from Dean and John, ignoring the fact that he was a stranger in his own family._

"It's going to be alright, Sam." Castiel whispered as he continued to watch, knowing Sam couldn't hear him.

"Everything will be okay."

Castiel watched one of the hardest times in Sam's young life.

_Seventeen year old Sam held the small bottle of pain pills in his sweaty grasp. Prescription pain pills were always kept in stock in the Winchester household. Hunting injuries required them._

_A couple hours earlier Sam had had a major blowout with his father. The usual words were yelled. "You're a disgrace to the Winchester name!"…"I don't know how you can be so impotent, Sam!"…"You're dragging this family down with you incompetence!"…_

_Sam was used to these harsh words. They still hurt, hurt badly, but he took the abuse. After all, that's what a Winchester does, right?_

_No, what had led Sam to this point was what his brother had said to him afterwards._

_Dean was always the middleman in the Sam/John battles. He was always there to help Sam pick up the shattered pieces of his heart after the arguments but this argument, Dean had agreed with his father._

"_I can't stand him!" Sam had fumed to Dean. Dean always listened to Sam letting off steam after a fight between him and his father but this time he was angry, and plain sick and tired of Sam's whining._

"_You know what, Sam?" Dean had yelled. "Why don't you shut up for once? All you ever do is complain and I'm sick of it! Dad's right, you know, all you ever do is bring this family down!"_

_Dean would regret his words later but for Sam, it had been the straw that broke the camel's back. _

_Sam rolled the tiny bottle around in his hands. It could be so simple._

_Opening the child-proof lid, Sam dumped the contents of the bottle into his shaking hand. The pills overflowed in his palm and clattered to the tile floor of the bathroom._

_Sam slid down the wall, simply staring at the little white pills._

_Shaking, Sam popped one in his mouth, followed by a second. On the third pill, he stopped._

_He was scared. He was afraid of what lie ahead._

_Sam didn't consider himself religious but he believed in God, he prayed every night. He knew that taking your own life was a mortal sin._

_Sam's body trembled. Was he really going to kill himself? _

_A loud sob escaped Sam as he realized he couldn't go through with it._

_Drawing his knees up to his chest, Sam rocked himself back and forth for over an hour._

Castiel's heart shattered at the young man's anguish. Again, he wanted nothing more than to gather Sam in his arms and whisper that it would be okay but Sam didn't know he was there, watching from the shadows.

Castiel watched Sam at Stanford.

_Nineteen year old Sam, laughed and joked with a group of friends, an arm around his girlfriend Jessica._

_He was genuinely happy for the first time in years and he couldn't explain how light it made him feel._

_No more hunts, no more injuries, no more disappointment in his father's eyes._

_If there was one thing Sam regretted, it was leaving Dean. Dean had always been there for him, caring for him from an early age and it pained Sam to be away from him._

_Sam wanted to visit on school breaks but John wouldn't allow it so Sam made due with what he had._

_He had friends, a beautiful girlfriend who he was slowing beginning to love, and a promising future. _

_He was content._

Castiel smiled, some of the pain from what he had previously saw edging away. As he watched Sam smile and laugh and be happy for the first time in years, Castiel felt almost as light as Sam did.

He wanted nothing more than for Sam to be happy and Sam was undoubtedly happy.

He thought back to Sam in the present. Sam had been through so much in the past year and Castiel's heart ached for him.

The pain Sam had suffered was more than any one should have to bear.

As Castiel watched the scene before him fade away slowly, he realized that he wanted nothing more than for Sam to be happy.

In the present time, Castiel fought to bring as many smiles to Sam's face as he could. After everything Sam had been through, he deserved it.

Sam had had a tough year but Castiel was noticing that in the time he and the angel spent together, Sam smiled more, laughed more. Castiel laughed more when around Sam, too. He could not be around the man and not smile and laugh. Sam had that way about him.

When Sam laughed, it wasn't the same, lighthearted laughter that he had at Stanford. What he had been through would hold that laughter back but it was still a form of happy, a form of light-heartedness.

It was enough for Castiel.

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Reviews keep me from doing drugs. Help keep the youth of America away from drugs! Lol jk


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